Adventures in Defecation

A woman is planning not only to wear a gown made out of toilet paper, but she’s going to get married in a public restroom! Now that’s a woman after my own heart. Too bad she’s getting married to someone else. And no, I’m not making this up — here’s the link.It turns out that it’s part of a Charmin promotion. The down side of all this? That guy better make sure that he really loves her because 1) he’s never going to live the marriage down and 2) he’d never live the divorce down either (”TP Bride Gets Dumped!”). Looking at it that way, I guess that chick is pretty darn smart. She’s figured out a way to make the guy way too embarrassed to ever leave.

The Detroit Free Press had an interesting report recently. Apparently suffering from terminal boredom, a drug-loving teenager broke into a bank and attacked various safety deposit boxes. After trashing the joint, he perched on a railing and practiced aerial bombardment with his anus, dropping bombs on the lobby floor below. He was still in the bank when the police showed up.

I’m all for extreme defecation, but the party’s over if it involves spending the night in lockdown.