Adventures in Defecation

I suppose it’s only natural that in a site called Adventures in Defecation, that we attempt to relate lots of different things to defecation. But there’s nothing wrong with that — looking at life from the tail end, as it were. It helps you get a whole new perspective on ordinary things, like nasal discharge.

Why is it that we call boogers and mucus and snot those names? Is it because it’s so commonplace that we have to come up with silly names to call the stuff, and making it silly makes it safe? For instance, no-one but me calls snot “nose poo”, but that’s what it is. Your nose is taking a dump when you have mucus. When your nose gets constipated, that’s when you have to pick your boogers out of your nose. When your nose has diarrhea, you have a runny nose. See, it all fits. Besides that, it makes much more sense that saying that you have a runny anus, or that you need to blow your butt.

I was just thinking of different ways to express that you need to use the bathroom (either #1 or #2), and I came up with a few new ways.

1. “The brown snakes are knocking at the back door again.”
2. “Excuse me, I have to change the color of the water.”
3. “I gotta do the minute-thirty workout.”
4. “I’m giving back to mother nature!”