Adventures in Defecation

Every once in a while you notice something about your butt. Sometimes it’s “how did that pimple get there?” or “boy I need to work out some more”. Recently I noticed that I had a case of Bad-smelling Butt, or BSB for all you acronym aficionados. This too is one of the eternal mysteries of the universe. Why is it that you can eat Taco Bell all day long and your butt smells fine? But the instant that you start eating healthy, your butt starts to stink. What’s worse is that if you notice this (even if it’s when you’re in the shower or something) then you start to freak out and wonder if other people can smell your butt too. What if that’s the reason why you’re snubbed at work or no-one will talk to you in the bathroom? What if that’s the reason why the neighbors won’t talk to you anymore? Maybe even those kids at the bus stop know and that’s why they point at your car every day. Maybe I’m taking this too far but it seems just backwards that your body should protest when you’re eating right. I guess the butt is just living up to its name.

What you eat affects what comes out the other end. No doy, right? Well what I don’t understand is why a fiber-rich diet would produce more than one color of poop. You’d think that eating a lot of the same thing would produce a lot of the same kind of poop, right? Drink a lot of grape soda and you get green poop. Eat a lot of corn, well, you get the picture. But I’ve been eating a lot of fiber and now my turds are brown spliced together with dark brown fragments, so every bowl is this showcase of multicolored poop strands. I feel like I’m looking at weird undersea creatures.

So what is this stuff? Is it impacted feces cleaned off by the magic bran power of breakfast food? As much as I doubt that (due to my research into colon cleansers and all the crazy tales I’ve read), it’s the only thing that makes sense. Consistent diet yields weird poop. Ok, it must be what I’m eating (no doy again). What am I eating? Fiber. Lots of it. Hmm.

My take on this? When you take a look in the bowl, if you see multicolor poop, you can feel even better about yourself than you do right after defecating!