Adventures in Defecation

After losing two separate posts (grr!) I bit the bullet and upgraded Wordpress yet again. If you see anything funky, let me know, but it looks good so far.

Sometimes, even the lowliest thing can cause you major problems. Take for instance those invisible carpet particles that cause you to trip or stumble through doorways. Or those tiny screws that keep your laptop (or car) together. One of them goes missing and it’s big trouble in little china, man. The same principle applies to your body. One little dingleberry — so many problems. This is what happens When Dingleberries Attack!

I was going to take a dump when as I was sitting down, a sudden pain shot through my anus — again. “Oh great,” I thought, “It’s that freakin’ butt itch!” As I trying to get comfortable on the lesser white throne, I realized that it didn’t feel like butt itch pain, but more like being poked with a needle. I took the dump and experienced no pain. After some investigative work, I discovered that the source of the pain was in fact, an accursed dingleberry. The stupid thing had glued my butthairs together so tightly that it hurt to sit down to take a dump!

There’s only one thing to do when dingleberries attack, and that’s to remove them with extreme prejudice. (Sometimes, I really wish that the golden dingleberry picker did exist. It would save me from the rather nasty manual removal method.)